On the Verge

I’m standing at a crossroads with the magical key in my hand, metaphorically I mean. I have the opportunity to capitalize on the next big fad in one of three areas as a matter of fact and am narrowing down my options. All along my friends and I told ourselves, as we whiled away our high school afternoons delighting and bemoaning the hallucinations brought about by our latest dalliances into the psychedelic world, all we needed was one good idea. Then we could finance the garage experiment.

Always the industrious and cunning one I sought out this idea with great fervor, for I believed in the garage experiment more than anyone. It was my brainchild after all, they would remind me repeatedly over the next 14 years.

Not to downplay the luck and supernatural intervention but I have a penchant for exploiting opportunities as well. One victory after another in the economic world led me to the first laboratory which was adjacent to the campus and allowed great latitude for my developing, and oft times unorthodox, methodology.

Though I never broke out I usually broke even and ever the student I had an awareness early on that coincidence was more likely the result of preparation than chance. This led me to better toleration of the capitalist society that can value productivity over humanity by inflating the bottom line.

So the options today will all secure my independence from academia and government funding forever and allow me to pursue the prankster life full time whilst conducting my various experiments in the garage, an end that surely justifies any means necessary. It is not selling out, it’s cashing in. How to best go about it;

Option A – Next big gotta have it gadget

This gadget is going to be flying off of supermarket checkout line impulse buy shelves and gas station racks in late 2008. I can’t tell you what it is for obvious reasons but I can tell you you’ll have two in your household before you realize you were warned here. Not only is it aesthetically and politically correct, it has many of the mandatory gadget functionalities like blinking lights, irritating sounds, and Chinese manufacturing.

The downside to option A is the toxicity of the chemicals used in the finishing process and small parts throughout the gadget that easily dislodge and present themselves in the Child Field Of View (CFOV) like those candy bars at knee level below the checkout counter at BP do. The small parts won’t come out of the gadget unless it is shaken, dropped, tipped, rotated, adjusted, licked, kicked, provoked or otherwise agitated. The business plan that my advisers have put together budgets for the inconvenience of lawsuits from patrons too simple-minded to not hurt themselves on Chinese gadgetry and still allows for a comfortable lifestyle including all garage expenses so it seems like a win-win.

Option B – Next big Actuality Star

Starting Jan 1^st Court TV becomes TruTV. And starting March 22 (per the latest obstetrical calculations) I’ll have the newest Actuality star on the planet living right in my garage if I follow through with the deal that my agent has worked up with this group. I can sell the image and name rights to my son, he lives his life in a media bubble ala the Truman Show and I make it comfortable for him with the money we get upfront for this actuality series in the making. I don't see a downside to this.

Option C – Rejoin the War on Drugs

I was a stoner before I was a soldier but Uncle Sam cleaned me up good, then instilled me with ambition and filed me to a sharp edge, pointing me wantonly at bad guys. I learned the value of violence and chaos and was told that ideals such as national security, democracy, and liberty were justification enough to unleash them. I was young and amoral, I may have been philosophically opposed to capitalism but I easily envisioned myself a mercenary and learned to thrive on chaos and disorder. I walked through the valley but I feared no one. That war is still going on even though today’s soldiers are mostly focused on The Iraq and other sandy spots. I’ve worked the front lines in the trenches in many urban areas, and that experience is apparently valuable to some. I’ve been contacted by recruiters looking to get me back in the game, specialty assignments, object oriented missions with pre-determined valuations, and bi-annual business trips to Bogota and other points south for the conventions. The dress code is a lot less garish than olive drab as well, not clear on the health plan. I think they have pharmaceutical benefits only.

Which of these would least ruffle your conscience if you were me? What if they all paid the same?