Operation Homefront

Well winter has been tough and the garage has sat cold for much of it. I originally had the idea for blogging a while back but couldn’t devote time to something for which I had no focus. Finding some acquaintances online and discovering a couple of blogger networks clued me in that one of my passions, writing about stuff, was being lived out through blogs worldwide and it didn’t matter much to anyone either way but it was putting useful stuff on the internet all the same so I figured I should start up my own little slice of cyber space where I could espouse on my two favorite things; stringing words together into sentences with rhythm and working on mechanical leverage devices in the garage that I call home. Its got a living quarters attached that my wife calls the house but I still think of that area as the living quarters attached to the garage.

Like always when I set out with the best of intentions my true nature and my real world responsibilities constantly threaten to overwhelm me but I do in earnest intend to offer differing bits of entertainment, trivia, and sometimes useful information. But sometimes I succumb to my baser functions and just have to point and make fun when I see a train-wreck So please extend a little latitude as I allow my prankster roots to show and look for a place in project homefront;

Dateline; Carpentersville, IL – Heated debate has surrounded this town since the expected well-surge from elections last held has fallen short of community expectations. The debate around population control, illegal immigrants and those that harbor them have eclipsed the real business of this bedroom community nestled in the Fox River Valley. While Pirelli isn’t a serious enough blogger to subscribe and quote the reams of articles available on this topic I do commit to making weekly trips to the local library and updating everyone on the back story bits as I can find them.

On occasions in the past current rumor states that one of our village trustee’s spouses was treated for broken ribs and fact indicates a restraining order was issued in 2005 and later withdrawn by the victim. In Springtime 2007 during the inauguration of the local village board there was an apparent incident which is being described as both a consensual sexual affair, and a drugging and raping of this abused spouse by the 30 year old son of a political ally to the wife-beating trustee. Documents released documenting an interview with the spouse several weeks later where she looked to amend her statement from “I don’t know how I ended up naked on the patio” to “I must have been drugged to have ended up on the patio naked.” Show that she was being morally supported by one resident known to the board as opposed to wife-beater’s political positions and a woman named Linda. (There is a board trustee and political opponent of the wife-beater named Linda but the distinction is left unmade by the available document as posted by a wife-beater supporting website.

Sometime between the discovery of his wife kneeling in front of his ally’s son, and performing the old Lewinski if we are to believe the innuendo in the newspapers, and returning his son from little league on a May 2007 afternoon Mr. Humpfer went all Consenco on Mrs. Humpfer striking her in the legs and jabbing her in the pelvis/hip with an aluminum baseball bat that his son testified to carrying into the residence prior to the incident, which contradicted Wife-Beater’s testimony that he doesn’t recall a baseball bat being in the house. Remembered though that he had just returned his son from little league, strange that there wouldn’t be a bat isn’t it?

Anyway, Mrs. Humpfer didn’t alert authorities right away that her husband was a bat-wielding, wife-beating lunatic in his off hours from being an “Admirable” and “Good” Board Member. (Quotes from propagandists that spoke in support of the wife-beater at the 3/18 Carpentersville Village Board meeting). Sources differ on how the official police report was filed and Pirelli won’t let you down with the backstory promise, but on Feb 29 the conviction on four counts of misdemeanor domestic abuse was returned by a judge at the requested bench trial.

At the aforementioned board meeting, which followed a week of crazy debate in the press about the Village Board President’s ability/authority to engage the village attorney about removing a convicted wife-beater from a public board, comments flew in the local blogosphere. Debate raged as to who has the authority to police the politicians, attorneys were consulted all around.

All an attempt to highlight Wife-Beater’s public positions and achievements (some of which were controversial to say the least) prior to the exposure of his wife-beating lunatic hobby. During the 2007 election cycle, similar disgruntlement from wife-beating supporters indicated that enough time had lapsed between the ’05 rib breaking and the ’07 election cycle that the Wife-Beater was absolved of his responsibility for the breakage and mending of his spouse’s ribs. Even though no charges were filed and the restraining order was later rescinded voluntarily, supporters pointed to the references by Democratic rivals as attempts to smear an honorable man, who it couldn’t be proven by public documents had ever more than one time broken bones in his spouses body and this had been over 23 months prior to the election at hand..

Wife-Beater showed no remorse for his actions or the pain inflicted by his hands upon his family at the village hall last night, he stated his intentions to continue to occupy the board in spite of his being a convicted wife-beater facing a lengthy stay in a local penal facility. Debate never materialized around how exactly a local politician can be charged with misdemeanor counts for abusing his wife with a bat when state law clearly defines any assault with a weapon as a minimum Class X felony.

So, life goes on. The next big crime was reported to the citizens at village hall by Judy Sigwalt who indicated that an attempt on her life had been perpetrated by a man who had been allowed into the board room and made comments during the public session. I just don’t understand the Carpentersville Police Department allowing this to happen, I thought there were laws in place to protect victims from harassment by their violators until the trial and incarceration of the bad people. Judy said there was a police report filed, so how come there is no arrest record of charges related to attempted vehicular homicide being reported in the local “police briefs” section of our plethora of newspapers? I’ll have to get my FOIA request downtown pronto and get back to you on this one.

So I guess the moral is that Domestic Violence, which is heralded by many as an anti-virtue because of the manner in which it only festers into public view in the most heinous of circumstances and is routinely not reported by victims who feel more attached to a dysfunctional family unit than they do to their own safety and has been the target of many eradication efforts at both the grass-roots and government supported levels, is an acceptable night-time hobby for a Carpentersville Trustee provided they have shown some degree of acumen with numbers and didn’t hit their spouse very hard with a baseball bat and they have a strong track record of perceived racism through their work against Hispanic culture, language, and immigrants (not always clear if his concern is illegal immigrants or all Hispanic immigrants and that sense of entitlement for them to think they need to buy taco’s from people that don’t have a headset on).